You left in such a hurry that I was unable to introduce myself last week! I am sure you had could reason to kick down my garden door in the process of trying to steal, oops, I meant “borrow” my mountain bike. I guess you had trouble finding the spare key I leave out for friends that need to use any of my things…I guess I shouldn’t hide it so well! It was very thoughtful of you to leave one bike behind for me, but I guess riding away with both bikes would have been a challenge.
Since you did not leave a note, I was forced to assume that my beloved blue vehicle was stolen and had to file a police report. But alas! I did not have my bike registered, so you are probably safe from the long arm of the law. You may want to peel off the stickers that denote my interest in activism and local non-profits, because that may be a red flag to others that it does in fact belong to me. If someone I know should happen to see you, I would brace yourself for a solid body check off the bike, because they may not realize that you are in fact just taking it out for a joy-ride.
While you are out on the town riding my 2006 Diamondback Outlook, light blue with a ladies sloping top tube, please make sure to ring my prized clear jelly-bell with enthusiasm! If you should find yourself getting bored of using my trusty steed, please feel free to give me a call at work and I will be happy to pick it up from you: (843) 768-0998. If you are the shy type and want to be more discrete, you can always drop it back by my house, since you already know where I live!
If you decide that you want to borrow it on a long term basis, then I might start harboring some negative feelings about this transaction and be forced to hunt you down. Although the police officer handling the file said that you were probably going to be hard to find, I ride all over town and know plenty of fellow bikers that would be more than happy tackle you off the two-wheels you so abrasively stole. But again, I don’t want to assume the worst, my friend!
Your gracious neighborhood bike lender,